


Thoughts That Catch You Off Guard

by Bluez2776



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: F/M, I'm Bad At Summaries, I'm Bad At Tagging, Mentions of Murder, One-Sided Attraction, Running Away, The Force
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-27
Updated: 2015-12-27
Packaged: 2018-05-09 17:35:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,047
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5549363
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bluez2776/pseuds/Bluez2776
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kylo Ren is punished for his inability to kill his weakness. Then he thinks about his future.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Thoughts That Catch You Off Guard

**Author's Note:**

> I tried

"You can't be serious master! I've trained under you for years! Then that girl comes along and I no longer am of use?!"

"You are weak, there is no hope for you, Kylo Ren"

Kylo turns in his rage, and storms out of the room. Away from Hux and certainly away from Snoke. He catches Hux's smirk and it only enrages him. His saber is in the hallways wall before he even registers it. He walks along tearing away at the wall until he remembers his masters words. The lightsaber slashing to and fro seems to send everyone else away. Good. 

So Kylo retreats to his room, slashing at everything he felt like on the way. It was his ship, his grandfathers legacy, and his crew. He could do as he pleased.

Yet it was all her fault. It was that girl that has ruined everything. He might have compassion for her but it doesn't make him weak. It doesn't make him scared. It doesn't mean he can't learn to overcome her. He had almost completed his training! He could have beat her in time! 

Kylo wonders if he really would. This girl from Jakku is stronger than him. She is more powerful than him and she doesn't even know it. It's a horrible truth Kylo does not yet want to face. If he could win her over then maybe master Snoke would be happy, let him train under him again. If he just put more effort in, killed the light inside of him. Why wasn't he better? Why doesn't he try harder? Why isn't he better after years of training? After so many slow steps, there had to be another way to get rid of this draw! To get rid of the light inside him. 

His master had said, the only way to rid himself of it was to kill her, to kill the tiny girl from Jakku. He doesn't know himself able. Kylo doesn't know what drags him to her. It's a strong connection. When he saw into her mind, it started, a pull. It doesn't stop, it's a draw that not even he can fight. It stays in his throat while he sleeps and refuses to be forgotten during the day. She pulls him and he refuses to follow but so desperately wants to. It's suffocating.

Everything about her is suffocating. 

If she had only accepted his offer! Then none of this would have happened! He wouldn't have lost his master. He wouldn't wouldn't have lost what little respect he had. If only she had conformed to what he wished of her. It was far to stupid to think that small little Rey would stop being headstrong just to please him. Would stop being herself, just to please him. It's not like she ever would conform for him. It was clear Rey could barely stand him. Kylo Ren is many things, but oblivious and stupid are ones he sees himself as not. He knows she does not like him. He knows that she cannot stand him. He hopes though. 

He hopes that she saves him, not that he'll admit it. He won't even let the train of thought go on from there. It's as fleeting as she was. One minute there in the next gone. Such an insignificant amount of time that it barely even matters. Yet she had come in and changed every plan and every moral and every rule. If he was honest with himself maybe he could have seen the truth, but he wasn't. He was the farthest thing from honest with himself. It's far better to cover everything with anger and fire than it is to actually think on it.

To think on the Jakku girl would be idiotic. To think about what she's doing is frivolous. To wonder if she thinks of you is worse. Yet Kylo thinks upon every one. He calls it planning ahead, anyone else would call it a crush, an obsession, a fault. Kylo thinks on many things but none more than if she had said yes. He could have pushed her off that cliff so easily, one wide but careful strike and she would no longer be. He couldn't do it though, he never could hurt her. If the feeling that draws him to her was lessened by her presence then maybe he could do something. Yet it only grows stronger and yet stronger still when around her. It feels like there is no dark, nor is there wrong. It's just them and a bright hum that fixes everything. It feels like things are frozen, all but them. It both the best and most nauseating feeling Kylo has ever experienced. 

Everything about Rey is nauseating.

Again he thinks of Rey, instead of his own problems. He has just lost his master. He has no idea what this means for him. Will he be forced out, treated like a traitor? Shall he be forced to stay? Will he be put upon the next planet with no hope of help? It does not matter much. It doesn't matter right of this moment, and what happens will only happen if he lets it. Snoke will regret his decision. Even if Kylo is the one to personally see that his own blade runs through his neck. 

The one thing Kylo is sure of in all of this, is that Rey will be his next target. A student of power greater than Kylo's would be of much more value than he any day. It would make sense to drop and leave him behind for something new, something better, someone more powerful. It probably hurts him less than it should, but he's been falling out of favor for a long time now. Kylo is sure if Hux had the force as well , he would have been a toy long thrown away. 

It didn't matter anymore. He'll find Rey, and he'll make her understand and it'll all be ok. It'll be ok because Snoke won't have her. That means she's safe from him right? It has to, at least she'll have him to protect her, that's what matters. It has to. He'd much rather have her under his care than Snoke's. That's much is true. 

So he draws himself to her.

**Author's Note:**

> You can find me at renandreygokisskiss.tumblr.com or at my non ship blog by the same name, so come yell things at me


End file.
